Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Drove back and forth from school the last 2 days. Most tired. But it was fun while it lasted lar. Haha... Freaking realised that having a car isn't all that fun afterall. The mad jams along expressways really sucks. I absolutely hate it. Lucky i got great company. Hee...
Today better. Went to town after school to makan. Had the GODLIKE mango desert with 2 very pretty gals. What more can a guy ask for? Haha! And the mango desert was so good until eat liao i smile tt kind of good.
Prolly the company also improved the taste. No? Muhaha!
On a lesser note. I realised i'm an idiot. The shit i'm digging myself in is ridiculous as i had just climbed out of one not long ago. And this particular shit i'm burying myself in is so similar to the previous one that the resemblance was uncanny. To the point of deja vu.
And it hurts to see such resemblance. I thought all this wouldn't matter anymore to me after so long. Hai...
Anyhow, the last few days has been good, but damn shack. And my bro just booked out. A levels coming out tomorrow. Hope he don't chui sia. Later end up in fucked up course like me then gone case liao. Haha...
I'm soooo dead... Got a quiz this thurs, and an assignment due on mon. And guess what? I haven't do a single thing yet. SHIT!
Anyway, here's a new song. Special recommendation that kind. I have to put it up! *wink
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Had dinner at Billy Boobers with a nice gal. I forgoed dinner for a couple of nights cause eating alone v sian. Somemore gotta get my lazy ass to go out buy. Without company, no chance. And this cute chick actually spotted that and volunteered company in fears of me going hungry for a third night. U faster say she how nice! I like! Haha...
Dinner was decent, but way too much to eat. Stuffed myself silly, and ended up feeling nauseous. Fairly happy night, compared to the many other nights. And i'll be meeting Toe later. He power! Suddenly i got so much company. haha...
Was driving back home just now when a van decided its a sports car and started racing me on the tiny Bedok road. I was like going at a normal speed when he super accelerated on my left side and tried to overtake me. How can lose to a van?? A VAN LEH! Might as well lose to a cyclist lor. Knn...
As everyone with common sense will know, on a small road, the cars on the bloody left travel at a measly 40-50km/h. And naturally as everyone with common sense knows, he's bound to find a pickup traveling at tortise speed on that lane. So he tried to veer onto my lane at his breakneck speed. I shone my high beam and he swerved back. Guess what. The dumb fuck swung out immediately after i passed and shone his high beam onto me. Then he tried to outrace me again. And HELLO.... He's driving a van lor. Does his pea-brain think that he can outrun a car? Mine's not a sports car lar. But knn... Losing = CHI RU.
And the result is... he ate dust. At least the dust from my wheels. haha...
Normally i considerate driver who follow the traffic rules to the tee one. Today a small exception. I promise i'll be a good boy next time.. Heehee....
Did i fail to mention it? Oh... Today's a good day. Someone just made it a good day. ^^
Sent my parents to the airport today. They going to Bangkok, and they are leaving me the car, all to myself. Somehow, i find no joy in it.
I used to relish my own space, my freedom. Recently, i even found myself gawking at different cars, promising to get a car all for myself as fast as it is humanly possible. Even a 2nd hand one would do fine. I like the idea of owning a personal transport.
And now, suddenly i'm left with what i used to crave for, i'm lost. There's noone to nag at me, i can do as i please. I have a car now, i can drive anywhere i want. And i realised. I have nowhere to go, noone to go out with.
Alright alright. I do have a couple of friends who will oblige going out. But suddenly i don't feel like going out. At least not with them. I don't know why, i just feel like this. And for those i would rather go out with, they aren't free. Simply put, i'm in a predicament, and all i have to blame is myself.
It reached to a high where i just sat and stared at my com, refusing to study, refusing to do anything at all. 6pm, 7pm, 8pm, 9pm... Time passed slowly and i couldn't bring myself to even go out and get dinner when i'm starving.
Gradually, even the songs playing on the desktop sounded dull and far away. I can't even remember what songs were playing. Everything appeared numb. I couldn't feel a thing. Maybe that's how a person feels when he's dead. No pain, no emotions, can't hear anything, can't feel anything. Total and absolute emptiness, enveloping blankness.
And it isn't such a bad thing. I recall something distinctly along those lines. Without love, there is no hate. Without joy, there's no sadness. Isn't the tradeoff worthwhile?
With every joy lost, an equal pain is reduced.
With every pain lost, an equal happiness is taken away.
Take your pick.
We can see that there'll never be a perfect world where there's absolute happiness and harmony. Without understanding sadness, we wouldn't understand the joy of happiness. Its the two sides of a same coin, a double-edged blade. It can take lives, and it can save lives.
And i still didn't manage to stave off hunger pangs, even at my enlightened state of mind. And suddenly, i realised i have been way too alone for the past week. I need some company... Haha
Thursday, February 23, 2006
This is my third official day into my holiday and i'm proud to announce that i've done ZILCH. The largest singular effort i have done to date is going to temple to help them beat and make muah chee.
And that muah chee ninpeh beat and cook the muah chee till shack... 4 hours that kind of shack.
And i'm sinking deeper and deeper into my abyss of misery. This kind of misery not easy to achieve. Combination of all the misery on this earth that kind.
Never do homework, going hungry, boredom, stress, emotional and mental trauma, self sympathy... so on and so forth. The list can go on, just like Feline Dior's Me Heart Will Go On. Nonstop kind of long.
Lucky over the years i've developed an immunity to this kind of misery. Now its just a stinging sensation only when i pay attention to it. Usually, i forget it through gaming and the occassional beer. But beer is expensive. Must go easy. Haha...
Enough of complaints. Do you hear this 一定要幸福 song in the background? This song is the MOST loser kind of song i've ever heard. Pay attention to what he sings. Is he even a guy!?! Somemore he repeats the 一定要幸福 一定要幸福 一定要幸福 part.
Why glorify this kind of self deprecating notions? We guys should band together and shout: 我我我我我我我我过错软弱从来不属于我!!!!!
By the way, i was browsing through my usual list of blogs when i noticed this entry from one of my friends. And guys got shot down in the face in her entry.
I agree with most of the points raised lar. But not only are guys the bastards, the jerks. Gals are as much the bitches, the sluts. That makes guys and gals even, no? And that's probably why there's so much agony everywhere.
But i'm painting a gloomy picture. Things could take a turn for the better. Like... Lemme see... me winning toto FIRST prize would be a good start to relieving the agony of this world. At least there would be one happier guy. No?
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Its amazing at the many different types of people that exist in this world. Some are exceptionally brilliant (me and my friends *wink), while the rest are totally stupid, ignorant, childish... blah blah... etc etc...
I was in this game where we spammed for PROs (meaning, fucking expert to the point of stunning). In came this bunch of people to challenge, and the following conversation ensued. I can't quite remember what he said, so i shall try to quote him as best i can. Lets call him X.
X: They spammed for PROs.
X: We'll kick their asses.
Us: Huh?
Us: Who's WE?
The game started and we played like shit. At least i played like shit. But was still fairly even.
Suddenly *YYY has left the game.
Left me momentarily stunned. The best enemy player has pulled plug, dced, spilt milk on his computer... yadda yadda... etc etc... And it was 4v5
Enemy: 4v5 very hard to play. GG..
*enemy quits
Becomes 3v5
X: Zeus how to play arh? (rubbish items in invent)
X: GG...
*X quits... Okok... i cant quite rem if he actually quitted, but who cares?
I thought i was supposed to get my ass whipped? Where's the whip?? Hello....
This happens almost everyday in my life... And this is crappy...
Monday, February 20, 2006
Finally decided to put up the songs column. Wanted to put 你们要快乐. But all i could find was the imitation singers version. And all sang like shit. I kid you not. So i had to settle for a lesser song.
Anyhow, here's the lyrics:
不懂讯息输送吗
而这次叫你真的惊讶
最美亦最真却像似假
偷泣的声音沙与哑
而你说你快乐而害怕
你不信任爱吗
和情人深深一吻来代替讲话好吗
这讯号以无声仿有声
领略时未需解码
和情人紧紧拥抱来代替讲话好吗
你快乐眼泪想洒了而不准你洒
我在旁请不要害怕
不懂得讲出心意吗
仍欠语句唇边轻轻挂
给些信心好吗
听到 低泣的声音沙与哑
而我说我会来付代价
我心痛但你听到吗
凝神凝望你这串泪时
我发觉我已完全会意
而无用你的启齿
Why did i post these lyrics? Cause i realize not all people can read in cantonese. At least not me. Haha!
Till i come across something better!
Yesterday was decent fun. A whole nite of booze, so much booze till i had to refuse to drink that kind. And too much booze is good news. Haha...
The only bad news was that my wallet hurt. Booze with cab never made a good combi.
Singing was good too. Had been wanting to get to ktv to try out those songs.
Acherly was a little boring lar, until this waitress chick came around. Chicks really do liven up the place. I like! Haha...
Then Toe suggested go cheong. Made me gian max. Long long time never really went cheong liao. Lemme see... Hmm... Got like 1-2months liao lor.
Not that i dun wan go. They all working, attached. Who in the whole wide world will wanna go clubbing if your gf is sticking to you and you are enjoying every moment of it? A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush heh? On afterthought, make it 3 birds. Haha..
About this bird in hand vs birds in bushes theory. I understand the concept, and agree that its logically sound. But why am i not practicing it?? In fact, i used to advocate this theory myself.
Again i contradict myself. Since i'm an advocate, why aren't i practicing wat i preach! Honestly, i really dunno.
Does this make me a masochist? LOL
Friday, February 17, 2006
I have sinned! Was reading the last post and realise it was ridiculous to the point of hilarious. Need to be so serious one anot! But i decided not to take it down lar. Afterall i wrote it ma. Heh
Today's a good day. I have declared it off day, and totally skipped school. In fact, i've declared it holiday since wed! Muhahaha...
This is life. The kind of life i have been looking forwards to. Slept all the way till 12, awakened by the big bright sun. Dragged my lazy ass of the big comfortable bed and warm cosy blanket. Went for brunch(Breakfast and lunch, i kid you not. Its really called brunch!)
Then saddled a bus to Tampines SAFRA for a swim. Was looking forward to see bikini babes, and the only babe there was a 60year old granny. Make it 70! How sian!
Tired myself splashing in the water, i limped to the tanning bench and tried to sleep. But the sun max hot. 5mins into the silly tanning session and i felt like a roast pig. Sat up and glanced to my side to see at least 5 other guys lying and tanning also. I mean, how the hell can they stand that mad heat?
Totally roasted, i dashed for the pool. I distinctly heard sizzling sounds when i entered the water. That's how hot it got lor!
Then swim halfway, the hot hot sun suddenly disappear. I thought it got kidnapped and looked up. Discovered the sky overcast with dark clouds. Got so fast wanna rain anot. Haven't even had enuough fun lor.
Bobian, ll suck thumb go bathe go home.
Play game all the way till dinner time. Went granny place to makan. Then realised something when i reached there. The whole day, i never even speak a single word, until i had to open my mouth to talk to my granny.
Talk about no man's an island. I jit tao become hermit. If this continues, think i'll lose my voice from underusage sia. Haha!
Backlash... I realised i have been very crude in many many posts. As a result of feedback and self reflection, i've decided to refine my language in hope that it'll score better on the chicks' charts.
Here goes my first attempt on a new writing style... And self praise is no praise. So i decided to refrain from mentioning my brilliance and accentuating it with 'I POWERs' and 'GODLIKEs'.
Back to my attempt. Girls... Something you can't do without, and something you can't live with. At certain times, my perceptions get blurred. Let me iterate on this point before i further this with a jucier piece.
Occasionally, they appear all sweet and charming, brightening your day, bringing all the joys of the opposite gender. Next moment, they appear hostile and aloof.
Then again, my judgement sways from point to point. Living with them is a chore, to living with them is fun. Hmm... Not exactly living, rather its more like spending the time together.
This delicate balance is exceedingly hard to achieve and its definately not my cup of tea.
Now... The juice. It dawned upon me, that girls actually have this inherent sweet smell that they emit. On first whiff, they smell the same, but there are small but subtle differences between each individual. How they manage to keep sweet smelling all day has me mystified.
Afterall, the sweating under the hot sun coupled with the different kinds of smells lurking in all eateries would have washed out all trace of sweetness in any person.
Is there some secret alliance between all girls that shares the info on being sweet smelling?(at least among the normal to pretty ones. I don't go sniffing at ugly gals. Haha...) Or do they carry a unqie perfume each, hidden in their bags, taken out to spray each time they declare they need to use the ladies...
Whatever the case, does it really matter? Its for the benefits of the guys no? If not why bother to be sweet smelling? To impress other girls? LOL
Suffer my whims on this, but don't be mistaken. I don't go around sniffing at girls like a perverse idiot. It just happened that i was with a chick i fairly like. Then i noticed and registered.
Why notice and register? Cause sometimes, noticing doesn't equate to registering. Upon notice, its usually forgotten shortly after. I have such tendencies. Things not related to myself aren't important, hence the registering fails. Haha...
I'm done for the day, and looking back, this is so unlike me. I wonder if this can be considered and improvement or as a setback. But for the sake of certain people(s), and for the betterment of yours truly's image, i shall and i must preservere!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Today marks the end of 3 greulling days of studying. Of course it calls for celebrations and i took to 4hours of golfing and 2 hours of dota.
And to top it off, i turbo play all the songs i like. And as a rule of the thumb, the songs i hear are either sad, or damn rock. And i decided on the melancholy ones.
As it turns out, sad songs has a bad impact to your mood when played too constantly, even when your spirits are high. And i've been under its subtle mind conditioning for the last 8hours... Damn...
Song of the day: 你们要快乐
Lyrics: 你哭着拿下银手链还我的时候
最近你躲我有了理由
别说我的爱让你惭愧
不配拥有珍惜不就是温柔
但你说抱歉爱上了我的好朋友
原来心酸比心痛难受
茫然的走到了门口
倔强还是念旧
我听见我 回头说
你们要快乐要天长地久
你们没有错爱是自由
走出这扇门后至少 我还有辽阔
你们要快乐要紧紧牵手
你们不幸福我会难过
成全最爱的人不是为了 看着她 寂寞
过去曾让你笑得很甜
不代表有权利要你纠结
虽然遗憾爱情也有它的季节
风不能吹就作最潇洒的落叶
Here goes... Which fucking loser says: 你们要快乐要天长地久, 你们没有错爱是自由. Much as it sounds good, which prolly will make u a martyr, aka dumb fuck masochist.
Oh fuck... I just realised got at least another 2 more similar songs with equally silly lovey dovey lyrics. Not that they suck so big time, but i seriously don't believe such things exists in this world...
Monday, February 13, 2006
Just spotted Ric's blog on Vday, and decided i should contribute my 2cents worth on such silly day.
Why silly, cos i don't have a gf, and i can't seem to find one, despite my valiant efforts. Ok ok... I didn't make much of an effort. But isn't heaven supposed to pity me and drop me a pretty gal from heaven? Maybe an angel? haha...
Back to Vday. Basically, it sucks... For the Lovers, the Love-Lorns and the Desperate Singles.
For Lovers... Roses, extravagant dinners, presents. And such things don't come cheap, with those unscrupulous businessmen who never hesitates to milk an already dry cloth drier.
For the Love-Lorns(LL)... The mental and emotional pain of having someone you like, but not being able to be together. This category got 2 types of idiots.
The first type doesn't have the fucking balls to actually date out the damn girl.
The second type basically are Rejects who got slammed in the face.
Talk about losers...
The Desperate Singles(DS)... These are the kind similar to the Rejects, except that DSs are didn't get slammed on their fucking face, cos they haven found someone to slam their fucking place in the fucking first place.
I scorn at the damn idea, but no less, fell prey to this idiotic day a couple of times. Not that it actually hurts. The Lovers have it easier though. They got the company and all the other perks, except that the pocket would have taken a major beating.
The LLs are the worst lot, not only mental and emotional pain, some of the dumber LL's pockets actually took a beating along with the other pains.
I seriously suspect i either belong to the LLs or DSs, both of which sucks, and i fucking hate being in such loser categories.
Then i take a look around me. A couple of guys are happily in the love rut, cooking dinner for their gals, buying stuffs, bringing them out. I turn around to see a couple of idiots just like me. Someone even took the coming MP3003 quiz as an excuse for not having a date. HAHA...
I look and sigh at this whole charade. I scoff at the love-lorn fuckers, i scorn the lovers. I STUDY!!!!!
Was Diana bdae celebrations yesterday, went to Partyworld to sing songs. Wasn't eventful, with the usual croakings and offpitches. Not until kissing came. Haha...
Please don't be mistaken. I had no part. I'm only an innocent bystander.
This pic power, James gotta kiss kiss bday girl! Haha...
On a side note... School still sucks. I have mucked thru one quiz, and another is due in 2 days time.. Fuck!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
I realised i have very little willpower. From studying to every other aspects of my life. With weaker resolutions compared to others, i invariably take the easy route out of everything.
I choose not to study, easier route: play games.
I choose not to exercise, easier route: play games.
I choose not to go school, easier route: play games.
Then my all too brilliant but cobwebby mind starts linking it all. How come only games??? Cos games are fun and not stressful. Haha...
And my results suck. Wonder how i'm writing this? Cos i spotted my roomie frantically studying for the upcoming quizzes, while i'm happily playing games and surfing the net, oblivious to my impending doom.
I feel guilty, no less. And i'm ashamed to ask questions cause i don't know how to do tutorials is due to my slack attitude. I suck, but this sucks more... I'm stuck in a rut and sinking.
Reflectively, why am i choosing a tougher route now, something that requires effort, while i can have it easy on the other side? This issue is completely different from the studying rut. I CHOSE to trouble myself over something, and i'm having headaches over it.
Fuck. What happened to the easier route. Why didn't i take it? Cos my half fuck brain suddenly decided it wants a challenge, and have responded without considering the difficulty of it all. And once again, i'm fucking stuck.
Then it occured to me while i was playing games. My brilliant but rotting brain took this entire fiasco for a game. Well done brain. Fuck you.
Hmm.. Not exactly fiasco yet, cause i'm not yet defeated, but i haven't won and i'm sick of the game. Worse, there's no "exit game" icon in sight. I'm stranded.
Another entirely different topic. I had this bizarre dream a couple of nights ago. I was on this tour with my family when the bus stopped for us to visit this place. I went to the toilet and the entire tour group followed.
Don't ask me why they followed. Its a fucking dream...
Then when i was walking out, this fucker bumped onto me. As usual, i muttered my knns and ccbs. Then i noticed this wierd thing, that fucker i was cursing had no mouth. He had all the other human features but where the mouth was supposed to be was just pure skin.
It didn't register to me at that instant, but the this other guy with him (presumably his friend), got dissed and grabbed me by the collar.
I was pissed and started fighting back. But he lifted me easily. How in the entire fuck world is someone able to do that, when i was lashing out the way i lashed out, i had no idea.
My little bro came to my rescue. Worse, he used the other hand to lift him and hung him on the wall. How the fuck the wall had a hook in the toilet i had no idea.
My parents came rushing over and i got free. Being brilliant, it didn't occur to me to run. I mean. Who in his right mind would fight these creatures? One had superhuman strength and immune to damage, while the other.. well.. had no mouth.
Instead, i dashed forward, fists swinging, legs kicking. And my punches just bounced off him.
I awoke momentarily to discover myself punching my bed. No wonder i couldn't win, he was my mattress. WTF.
But it didn't occur to me again that i prolly couldn't win. I immediately closed my eyes and tried to get back into the dream. I wanted to show the fucker who's boss. I wanted to beat the shit out of the seemingly invincible foe.
Fuck, recently kena a lot of all these wierd dreams. Somemore i'm not responding normally. Seriously, i think i overwork my brain. Or maybe its that fucking tough task i have in hand that is screwing my thought processes.
Should i trudge ahead with this hard task? Or should i just give up and go back to my previously carefree and relaxed lifestyle. Fuck, this is hard...
Monday, February 06, 2006
Met my army friends on Saturday evening. Did dinner at Prinsep before discovering we ran out of programs. Some wanted lan, some hated lan. Finally settled for drinks at Plasma.
Long time no see, really feels great. Those old times of getting pissed at superiors, talking cock, running out of camp to play starcraft, squatting in bunk playing Risk, chao genging... Those were the days!
Didn't quite like my stint in army while i was in it, but now that i'm out, thinking back, it was fun. It had the extras and tekaning, but its all part and parcel of life!
Finally did dinner at the malay stall nearby. Even managed to squeeze out a couple of pics!
Me, Edwin aka Hum Sap Lo, Ziyang, Chun Ser aka Upperstudy
On a lower note, school sucks. 2 quizzes due next week and everyday is xiong day. Fuck... Bring the beer and gal anyday...
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Finally handed in the damn project. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I spotted now school getting more hectic liao. Projects due, quizzes around the corner. How the fuck am i supposed to have time to play games and relax sia??
Somemore now kena fever, cannot even type properly liao, much less think properly...
Anyway, recently i found this song in my computer. Didn't even realise how it got there, but there it is.
周传雄 is the singer, but the blind guy from the singapore show also got sing. naturally, the former is better.
The song:
男人海洋Lyrics:
当我抱着你的时候
窗外风起黄叶飘落
以为是浪漫 原来只是
有心在飞走
不懂情人心里想的
爱就瞎了也迷路了
想摸索什么 摸到了
你手心的沉默
最痴情的男人像海洋
爱在风暴里逞强
苦还是风平浪静的模样
卷起了依恋那么长
挥手目送你启航
到你觉得我给不了的天堂
温柔的男人像海洋
爱在关键时隐藏
而心酸汇集都敞开胸膛
做远远看护的月光
不做阻挡你的墙
我的爱是折下自己的翅膀 送给你飞翔
不懂情人心里想的
爱就瞎了也迷路
了想摸索什么
摸到了你手心的沉默
最痴情的男人像海洋
爱在风暴里逞强
苦还是风平浪静的模样
卷起了依恋那么长
挥手目送你启航
到你觉得我给不了的天堂
温柔的男人像海洋
爱在关键时隐藏
而心酸汇集都敞开胸膛
做远远看护的月光
不做阻挡你的墙
我的爱是折下自己的翅膀 送给你飞翔
最痴情的男人像海洋
爱在风暴里逞强
苦还是风平浪静的模样
卷起了依恋那么长
挥手目送你启航
到你觉得我给不了的天堂
温柔的男人像海洋
爱在关键时隐藏
而心酸汇集都敞开胸膛
做远远看护的月光
不做阻挡你的墙
我的爱是折下自己的翅膀 送给你飞翔
The lyrics power! "我的爱是折下自己的翅膀 送给你飞翔" How power can 爱 get? His imagination and level of Chinese jit tao pawn me till i blur. Even dream, i also cannot dream of such power words lor. heh...
Then again.. Who's interested in my 翅膀s? Haha...
Friday, February 03, 2006
Alright, we are all familiar with being a slacker, playing games all day, eating good food, sleeping. At least that's the case for me. For as long as i could remember, i never really sat down to actually study, if it's not because of exams.
Now, i have this assignment due today. And being the usual slouch, i resisted all attempts to actually start on this piece of crap until today. And lo and behold, ahead of me stood this chai. Ok... Maybe she isn't that chai, but in MAE, the standards are considerably different from norms.
So there i was, dreading the work, while this chai actually bothered to scan the question paper so that i could see it before the meeting. Not that i actually did anything to that rubbish i received.
Worse, she came prepared and had actually attempted to do the ridiculously tough assignment. And i couldn't even figure how she managed to answer part (a). Ever had feelings of inferiority? I felt so small...
Ok lar.. Not that small, maybe smaller by about 1% that kind. Haha...
Worried that my image of being a nice guy and hardworking student might be smashed, i took off to the library for the next 2 hours to try and comprehend the seemingly complex subject.
2 hours later, i emerged a stronger man, of both mind and body, armed with my newly acquired knowledge, ready to take on the world and beyond.
We went to find the tutor for help, even though i felt like i could answer all the tough assignment questions.
Guess what, i happen to be self-delusional idiot who actually stared at the damn notes for 2 hours, believing i had studied and understood, cause, i didn't understand a single word of what the tutor said.
Okok... I did do a little studying... And i did understand about half of what the tutor said. But things weren't as simple as i thought it to be. Fuck studying....
Then now, i just spent like 4 hours doing the damn assignment and plotting the fucking graph. And i think my entire night's work is in vain, cause i don't think i got it correct. KNN lar... Should have just fucking played dota lor...
This pic power, James gotta kiss kiss bday girl! Haha...
